More than Ever Hour After Our Work is Never Over

Welcome to my explosive re-entry into this "Sphere of the Blogs". Feel free to imagine that as more of a "Volcanic eruption of awesome" than a "Space Shuttle Colombia" sort of deal.

Prologue: Second Coming of the DJ Saviour

I warn you now, this post may come across as exceptionally poorly typed, but that's actually the fault of the bottle of champagne I just smashed across my keyboard to inaugurate this shiny new blog. The combination of a glass covered typing surface and my razor wit will make it difficult to finish this post without major blood loss, but I'll worry about that when the paramedics make me let go of the keyboard before they rush me to Emerge.

So... what to say? If you're reading this you either got my email or you placed RSS or other majick on this site in the hopes that I would update it again. In either case, thanks for dropping by. If you're new, this is just basically an excuse not to email you. What makes you so special that you deserve a personal email every time something noteworthy happens to me? Exactly. There are lots of things that make you special, but they also make many of the other people reading this thing special in many of the same ways. So if you deserve an email, they all deserve one too. Try not to be so self-centred all the time.

If you're not new, expect much of the same as last time. Basically I just felt that as my life has changed, I should pack up my wares and change my blog as well. Also, Roborant was the word of the day one day in my Gmail headlines and ever since I read it I've been dying to start a blog of the same name. It appeals to the large part of my brain that is easily amused by double meanings. The word itself has a solid meaning, but it can also be seen as Robo-rant, a term which implies a steady mechanical output vitriolic commentary, which is hopefully something I'll be able to accomplish here.

With that out of the way, let's get down to tacks, brass or otherwise. This post is going to be hellishly long, and here's how it's going to go:

It'll start with some sentimental crap about how much I miss all of you (Act 1).

Following that, I'll get into a highly distilled (180 proof or above) account of my life since I last typed to you all (Act 2).

And it's going to finish with a recent anecdote from my life, which turns into a rant pretty quickly and will pretty much set the bar for what most of my other posts will be like in the future (Act 3).

And a 1... 2... a 1. 2. 3. 4!

Act 1: Missing You

It's been a real fuck-load of a long time since I posted anything. This has been caused by 2 major factors: 1) being busy and lazy and 2) assuming I was going to make a new blog and start posting regularly "next week" for almost 8 months.

Because of that assumption I basically took a dump on all the people who used to read my old blog. I did this specifically by not responding to any of their comments asking how I was doing in an attempt to preserve my secrecy. You know who you are and I owe you an apology.

Lastly, there are no direct links to my old blog here. The past is the past. It's not that I'm not proud of the old war-horse, but I wasn't as careful about names (corporate, private, or any other) as I should have been. While that never really got me into hot water, others followed my example and got the flesh steam-flayed from their bones. If you really really really want to read it, less than 30 seconds of Google searching should be required to locate the page in question.

Act 2: Letting the Days Go By, Letting the Water Hold Me Up

I hear you asking, "Liam, how the hell have you been?"

Luckily, I'm prepared to answer that question.

Since the last time I posted, nothing has really changed in my life except for a few key details which I'll outline now:

1) I am still a University dropout. I made it official on the same morning I dropped off my Co-op work term report. I haven't really looked back since except to wonder how my friends are doing and to seriously lament the fact that I signed a 1-year lease on my apartment.

2) I'm back at my old job. The same job I've always had. That hasn't really changed since May when my Co-op term ended. However, as of this morning, I am assuming a new and exciting job at the same organization. Well... Really the same job. But with full-time hours, better pay, and health-coverage. So I'm happy about that (except for the fact that the hours are 7-3 every day, as you may have inferred from the time stamp on this post).

3) I got a girlfriend shortly after moving back here. It's hard to say when we moved from "hooking up often" to "being a couple", so I can't say how long we were together, but I'll peg it at 7 months. In mid-August she got cold feet about me moving to Banff (What? Liam's going to Banff?) and decided to set me free of her shackles. Of course, she didn't tell me that, she just broke up with me one day. In the intervening weeks (all 3 of them) I have done some low-level work with members of the opposite sex, but nothing really interesting.

Well, maybe one thing. But that doesn't bear talking about right now.

4) I am still in Ontario. Does that make sense? Maybe, maybe not. For almost a year, Blake and I have been trying to cook up a scheme to move to Alberta for a year, make shitloads of money, and then go back to school. Here's a short timeline:

Fall 2006: Blake begins this scheme. He lets me in on it when I tell him that I'm probably going to drop out of school. We decide that the best course of action is to get jobs at resorts in Banff where the wages are good, and the cost of living is lowered because most employees live in residences at the resort instead of having to rent apartments. We both nod our heads solemnly and look serious when it is suggested that we line up jobs in advance for this adventure.

New Years 2007: Blake goes back to school for his second term and I begin my Co-op term in Stratford, by this time totally convinced that I will be dropping out of school when the Co-op term ends. I think of the Banff trip infrequently, mostly only when I'm talking to Blake about it. During this time I visit the Banff Springs Resort website and look at job postings once. However, nothing comes of this due to my lack of a resume and the fact that none of the jobs look very interesting.

May-July 2007: Blake is back in town, we are firmly definitely going. We line up a place to stay in Banff for a few days because its starting to look like we won't be getting jobs until we arrive. This doesn't really phase me because I plan on going with enough money to get back home if things fuck up. If I don't find a job in Banff, I can always live with my parents again.

Mid-July: Carl signs onto our little adventure. Blake and I worry that he might not be able to survive the stresses of Banff living (If you know Carl, you know what I mean), but have faith in the man. Also, during this time we revise our start date for the trip from "just after labour day" to "mid September". I can't remember why. Two days after that I suggest we revise it again to "late September" in order to give me a chance to play Halo3 with Wolfgang on the day it comes out (That being something I promised him we'd do when we were playing Halo2 on the day it came out). I also sign on to work 3 weeks at my job in order to fill a post that they haven't found anyone to replace yet.

Act 3: Wherein the nonsense starts (Also the ranting if that's what you've been waiting for)

Late July: The combination of Carl's fragile constitution and tales of glory switch our sights from Banff to Fort McMurray. Specifically we hear that the wages are better, the work is more varied, and that we might be able to get an apartment for cheap with a family that we knew from home who moved to Fort M a few years back. All seems well...

Early August: The cheap apartment idea falls through. However, based on the ideas we have about how much we'll be paid, we continue searching for apartments in Fort M. I don't know why we did this, because we were seriously looking at places that were $2800/month plus everything, and that was on the cheap end of the scale. One dude that we called about an apartment told us that the place was gone, but he had another (with one more bedroom than we wanted) going stale. It had: 3 bathrooms, hardwood floors everywhere, a huge property, and a 42-inch plasma screen T.V. He then proceeded to take Blake's full name, email address, and make arrangements to see the place when we arrived (not that Blake had any intention of keeping that date if we ever did arrive).

Mid August: I no longer believe I'll be able to make enough money to pay for 1st and last month's rent, the trip to Fort M, food, and other expenses and still have enough to get home again if shit fucks up. I suggest that we go back to Banff as a starting point, and then make enough money there to springboard ourselves into Fort M in a month or two. This becomes problematic. Carl was still a man of fragile constitution and Blake also began to have serious doubts about whether or not he could handle life at Banff either. Apparently I (the man who spent most of highschool with a permanent case of the flu) was the only one who was actually confident of my assured survival in that mountain town.

Late August: Barely a week later, Carl and Blake both get cold feet and pull the plug. My entire world-view for the last 8 months shatters in front of me as I face down the prospect of spending another year stuck in town here. However, in order to soften the blow I agree to sign a permanent contract for the new position I was going to be starting at work after Labour Day.

Later that day: Blake, Carl, and I decide to get an apartment together in order to still have the illusion of independent living. After investing a minimal ammount of effort, we set our sights on a quaint 4-bedroom house near the downtown. We view the house, meet with the landlord, and receive a rental application. It asks for, among other things, our banking information, our social insurance numbers, and co-signings from our parents. As the only one of the three of us who actually has any experience working with landlords (as well as parents very much not interested in co-signing my leases), I find this to be somewhat extreme. The last guy I rented from gave me a lease, asked for 12 post-dated cheques, and was seen again maybe twice over the intervening year. This guy, on the other hand, gave us a rather long lecture on how to handle rental property, exactly how easy it was for him to fuck our credit ratings forever, and why he was so cool. Then he asked us where we worked, what we did where we worked, and who our bosses were. We take the application, but don't fill it out (I had to go to work immediately). We make plans to fill it out the next day, but end up getting drunk instead.

Barely 3 days later (that would be Sunday, or just 2 days ago): Blake has another case of foot temperature disorder and tells Carl and I that not only does he not want to get an apartment with us, but that in fact he is quitting his job and moving to London with his parents in order to save money. He also mentions that he's been guaranteed a job in the Forest City by some shifty character or another. I am now confronted with the fact that everything I have based my expectations on for the past year has just fallen through. And I'm locked into a contract with my new job.

I am currently looking for my own apartment in town.

That night Blake and I went to the local pub. I was still dazed from his dropping of the "Hammer of God" on me that afternoon. So maybe it was my dismayed expression, or maybe it was his overwhelming feeling of guilt, but the major topic of conversation was his decision to move. And by "conversation" I mean "alternately placating and rationalizing monologue by Blake". Eventually we went over to another bar to see my brother, we then switched roles with me trying to have a good time and Blake sitting quietly by himself. Not long after, Blake announced that he had another engagement and strode bravely off into the darkness.

So, nonsense, hunh? Hunh? Advice is appreciated, but this isn't a cry for help. I just thought you might appreciate a little slice of my ridiculous world.

So, that's that really. I hope you enjoyed my first installment at this new location. With any luck I'll be able to keep this thing going at least as well as the last one back in its glory days. It's not like I'm going to have anything better to do for a while. Except form a band or two. Hint hint.